I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
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