he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
two words...techno handjob
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
