If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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