before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
