her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
