vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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