Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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