8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
