Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
God, I missed his penis.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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