so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
