i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
