Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
