ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Randomize
