Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
