Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
