I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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