omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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