I can text with my tongue
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
