I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
