Where did you get a picture of my penis
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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