My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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