I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
