It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
