whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
