I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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