whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
