you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize