hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
