Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
How's work?
Spinning.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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