we're blogging at a bar
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
