i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I AM VODKA MAN
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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