So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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