I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
