So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
