I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
