i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
