I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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