The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
