My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I love you. Go after that dick
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
