Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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