And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
