I wish my penis had an off switch
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The Olympian is in my bed
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