I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
