The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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