when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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