I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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