all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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