I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
