we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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