I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
