you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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