I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
