so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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