Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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