I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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