he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
