i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
