So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
