This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
