my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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