Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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