Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
