There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
