when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
