youre lurking in front of me
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
