Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
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I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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