I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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