mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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